Nothing more nothing less…Mom
In her eyes I see that I’m everything, how could I let my baby down? At this age, my shadow has me wrapped around her fingers; and I am willingly spiraled. I will do just about anything to see her 10 teeth. Though after doing the same dance as she goes through 7 songs on her plush dog, she selects the same song each time; I have to lead her to another activity. WHOA, I love her down.
It just all seems so easy from her eyes, ya know? All fun and games, as it should be — But if only she knew.
In her eyes, I fix everything and I heal wounds. I’m as well an automated book reader. She brings about 10 books to read throughout the day, with a few repeats; I have a few memorized. “I Am Human” by Susan Verde is one of her favorites. Oh, I perform as well, almost every time her tune comes on. And guess what? No matter how I’m feeling emotionally, I must put it aside and hit the floor with my baby. This usually heals and tames any worries I may have.
Chef Momma Dona, I make the best meals. You can pick the time and day, but not her. She doesn’t want mac & cheese at 4 pm, but guess what? She wants it at 5 pm. I tell you, it’s her world, I just live in it. I learn more and more about her each day. Also known as Miss Clean it all, I happily clean walls and chant “big girl” as I clean up what she’s thrown on the floor while eating. I swear no one else gets this treatment, and neither will she for too much longer (laughs).
In her eye’s I’m mom
Mom, mom, mom
Let us focus
My lens has more years on them, so I see what’s going on in a more realistic way compared to that of my 1-year-old. I am aware of what’s going on in the world and how it, directly and indirectly, affects me and mine. I am aware that due to the color of my skin there are a plethora of obstacles, I must work 10x’s harder than the white man to even be recognized. Things just were never fair — life isn’t.
Through my lens, I see and know everything was supposed to be different by the time I delivered a baby. You see my thing was, “Baby first (my work), then my baby (my spouse/marriage), and then my baby (my child); in that exact order. Things happen, life happened, and things were altered. The goal never changed, but the obligations are different.
Please check out a previous article “No One’s Obligation”, I would love your feedback.
Therefore I am still what you call a “starving artist”, making ends meet with my spouse all whilst progressively working towards the goal. She doesn’t see the disagreements over financial matters, domestic chores, forgotten promises; she just doesn’t. I’m fine with that, what I’m not fine with is the facial expressions I try to hide while trying to conceal it A.K.A “hold it down.” THAT PART SUCKS.
I’d like to say I do a great job at it…could be better
But why?
I work so hard for this not to be the circumstances. I’m certain it’ll make it all worth it in the end. I truly look forward to the day I reap from what I’ve sewn. Until then, I’ll keep planting; I like to call that “Umbrella Wealth”.
Also…
I remember not wanting any kids because I knew what the world was/is like. I just didn’t want to bring another being into this world, not on my watch.
Now, On this same watch, all of those feelings have changed. Now that Moz’Zen is here, I have an obligation. An obligation to provide, love, and do the best I can with helping her find her passion. I am here to make it easily accessible by not being POOR. Why? Because I would have done the work on my end to ensure my child(ren) will not have to necessarily come from the same circumstantial upbringing as I did. Thank You.
-MMJ
Quote of the Auracle: “A Mother’s Treasure Is Her Daughter”
-Catherine Pulsifer
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“While You Sleep” Children’s ebook by my daughter & I.
Check Out “My Breastfeeding Journey”